Don’t blame Simon Cowell

Hey Sexy

Simon Cowell did not raise tuition fees. I’ve never seen him kick a puppy or commit a war crime, but that doesn’t stop him from being one of the most hated men in the country.

I can see no reason for anyone to feel so such animosity for someone who has never actually done anything wrong. Yes. He has blinding teeth, too much money and moobs, but there’s still no reason for the people at NME with the very important looking hair to write blogs calling him ‘The worst thing to ever happen to music’. You’d think working for the NME would mean they’d heard of Phil Collins but I guess all those cool kids care about is new music…

Anyway, back to Cowell.  I’m going to dedicate this blog to educating the haters as to why he is not the worst thing to happen to music, just a man who does a job and makes a lot of money from it. I would also like to point out that I find him very attractive, admire his charity work and think Britain’s Got Talent has gone well rubbish since he left.

Britain’s Got Talent and The X Factor were not the first shows make people who should probably be institutionalized sing for our amusement. Before Simon Cowell it was Nigel Lythoe who was the most feared TV judge in the land. (He’s the one who said Kim Marsh was fat- Simon would NEVER do that). He may be the best at it but he didn’t invent the formula.

I know there’s always a lot of fuss about the winners being dropped after a year, but the winner is voted for by us, and not chosen by the judges. People who are stupid enough to pay for a vote are not the kind of people who should be choosing who gets to be number one.  And anyway, if you really loved Joe McElderry you should have brought his album (only about 60,000 of you did- for shame!) I personally think a year was more than enough of Steve Brookstine and that it wouldn’t have hurt to drop Alexandra ‘nice body, shame about the face’ Burke.

We must also give special thanks to Simon Cowell for the greatest pop band in history, JLS, who without X Factor would have probably just been three attractive men and a strange little boy wondering around London in stupid t-shirts.

Whilst a lot of people will be less than impressed with the teletubbies number one single Eh-Oh it sold over a million copies. Simon launched a million novelty records that make for great pissed up sing alongs, make children happy and are just a bit of a laugh. (Look up 1997 number one singles, it was a great year for music- Barbie Girl, Mmm Bop and three entries from the Spice Girls!)

Simon Cowell did nothing to ruin music.  People get all over the top and act like there’s nothing else to listen to but it’s all still out there. There’s all different stuff to listen to, from my mate Durms weird game boy stuff to all the guitary stuff they play at cool clubs every night. What Simon Cowell does is make number ones, and then make a load of money.

What really happens is that we hate him for being so good at it.  What’s also really sad is that we mean spirited British folk have a habit of turning on bands when they get too popular (Kings Of Leon anyone?) We accuse them of being sellouts, forgetting where they came from and not caring about the fans anymore.

The people on the X Factor or Britain’s Got Talent are just trying to make their little lives a bit happier. I’m sure they dreamed of being a singer or a dancer or setting themselves on fire in front of her maj, and so why shouldn’t Simon Cowell be the little tooth fairy to make them happy. Even if it is only for 18 months. There are millions of people who never get a single or an album or to be on TV every night for three months. He exists because we need him to, and because there will always be crazy people who think they’re the reincarnation of Elvis and that’s always great TV.


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