The weird ways people handle their breakups.

A while ago I had a big break up, I didn’t take it well at all. I was thinking about things that other people do and thought I’d share my thoughts. (I’m a type 1 with a bit of 3)

Type 1: The crier

Or me because this is my blog. After the fateful day when I realized my life as I knew it had come to a crushing end I cried. For about three weeks.

The committed student in me got up and went to uni to do resits and be polite and whilst my face was dry I was still crying inside.

Criers tend to lose all interest in clean clothes, leaving the house and doing anything other than drinking vodka watered down with tears.

Type 1 breakups should be reserved for those in relationships lasting 3+ years, possibly stemming from a childhood spent on swings and getting drunk in fields.

Type 2: It doesn’t matter

One of my friends had an ‘it doesn’t matter’ break up that I was really jealous of.
A coffee and a “this isn’t working is it?”

type 2 breakup comes after a long distance relationship, the sort where you haven’t seen each other for a few months, possibly you’re living in different countries (they were) and it’s just become too much effort.

Type 3: The runaway

I did a bit of this too. After getting out of the crying phase I decided to take up every offer I received.

Nights out, working away, living in Essex, holidays, day trips. Anything.
For type 3’s it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, where you are or whom you’re doing it with just as long as you’re keeping busy.

I think that types 1 & 3 are linked but I’m sure there are people who skip straight to the running away. In an ideal world it’s best done by leaving the country and never coming back.

Type 4: The rebounder

There are some people who struggle with their own company.
These tend to go straight from one boy/girl to the next without going through any of the grieving stages. They might lie to themselves (and you) and say “ohhh it’s been over for ages in my mind”.

Type 4’s are best avoided, unless you’re sure you’re going to be okay if they decide that they’re not actually over it, or they move from the rebound stage in search of someone more permanent.

Type 5: The Shagger


I have a friend who’s recently become a ‘shagger’.
After being with the same person for a while and getting their pretty heart stamped on the shagger will turn their attention to any other person on the planet, most probably after a bottle of sambuca (yes you!).

They don’t want a relationship with any of these people; a type 5 simply wants someone to share their bed and bodily fluids. Type 5’s can be fun if you’re after some nice compliments, a bit of sex and a “okay you can leave now” when waking up in the morning. *

Those are the 5 main ones that I can think of, though I should give a special mention to the brave people who pretend nothing has happened.

They don’t even mention it to their friends, just a relationship status change on facebook and a word to no one.  I’ve only met one of these, there are probably more but it’s my list so I can do whatever I want.

.*In most cases type 5’s are not over their ex’s, if you go home with them expect some sort of shrine. They may even ask you to wear his/her clothes and pop on a wig.


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