Squat Challenge

Squat Challenge

Currently working my way through this, now up to day 7, don’t think I can sneak off and do 80 squats today at work, so am saving them up for when I’m doing the washing up. I like to play Sisquos ‘Thong Song’ to really get me in the mood!

It’s funny though, as I just saw this on Pinterest a week ago (obvs) but it seems like everyone is doing it! Anyone who’s managed 200 please do get in touch to let me know it is possible to survive!

Looking forward to a rest tomorrow!

 

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April 16, 2013 · 3:54 pm

The Girls Guide To Living With A Bicycle Boy

People who know me will know Jonny and I are now cohabiting, but just in case I get visitors (Hello! Welcome!) Jonny loves his bicycle, and I have had plenty of time to get used to it, or so I thought. Turns out actually living with bicycle boy is a bit more tricky.

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You’ve got no chance.

 

I thought I would share some things I have learned to help any others who may find themselves living in a bike infested house, it’s more common that one may think!

 

Firstly, your house will never really be tidy. Bikes cannot be kept in the shed, they cannot be touched by rain (despite being ridden in rain, snow, on salty roads… the list is endless) so must be kept either in a garage, or since we don’t have one – in the house! The beautiful house, which I have dreamed of for years, has a big hook in the wall, a pile of bricks and a doormat in the kitchen. The bricks are a safety measure to keep wheels off wall, but really I’ve given up. That part of the kitchen is dead to me; scuff the wall for all I care! If you too have a bike in your house just don’t look at it. Pretend it’s not there. And don’t bother scrubbing the floor! Just today I have spent hours working on the grout, for a bike to be wheeled in leaving a track right through the middle, and footprints everywhere! Cleats (bicycle shoes that make a clicking noise like high heels) must also be kept on the table because… I have no idea, but I’m sure he could make up a valid reason if I ever asked or complained. If you want to get even I suggest keeping high heels in the fridge, and proudly displayed on the windowsill.

 

Next up is coffee. I don’t understand this AT ALL. If anyone knows why bicycle boys love coffee so much I would truly love to know. Espresso, Macchiato, Cappuccino, it doesn’t matter! They can’t get enough. Obviously it is therefore very important to have an expensive coffee machine, you must keep your coffee in the fridge, never EVER run out of milk, and please, I beg you, never try to coffee match him. You will be left wide eyed staring at the ceiling all night, while he is sound asleep, probably twitching because he’s dreaming about falling off his bike.

 

I must also mention that he will make you feel inadequate. Jonny’s ride to work (about 3 hours per day) then extra long rides on his days off has made me feel so alarmingly unfit. It will happen to you too. It gets us all. You will crack and decide to do something, for me it’s jogging. Slowly. Short distances. I know it’s not enough. I do two miles and he does 52. And even though he hates running as with most bike boys he is painfully fit and could run twice as far in half the time. I suggest trips past fast food restaurants to restore self-esteem.

 

At times you may look at bike boy and think about getting a bike yourself. I’ve been doing this recently, just something little and cute and possibly pink to ride round to my parents or the shops since it’s a bit of a walk and I hate using the car. Your dreams of a little cutie with a basket will be dashed if you mention it. A basket is extra weight, the bike you like is too heavy, and you will have to have a gazillion pound number with a carbon frame. Best is to keep your hopes to yourself, and keep your bike in the shed, since as I’ve mentioned bike boy will never venture in there.

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What I think…

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What he thinks.

 

He will eat loads. A huge amount. I suggest keeping a lot of cereal in, as it is quite cheap and will last for a while. This is a serious point, as otherwise BB will eat you out of house and home. Don’t be offended when you spend hours making a lovely tea and he’s eating again 20 minutes later. It’s not your fault. Or so I tell myself! Also, don’t eat when he eats, because you will pile it on (as I did when we first moved in)!

 

You will quickly get so used to only seeing men with shaved legs that hairy ones look gross. I don’t see many men’s legs, especially since it’s been so cold but I know at the sight of a wiry leg covered in thick hair I will find it hard not to gasp. I am going to start warming up by googling images of leg hair to prepare myself for the shock.

 

He will take a long time to get ready. I don’t know why this is, maybe it’s just Jonny, but he doesn’t move anywhere very fast. If I want to get at 10 he will be ready by 12. If he is going out on his bike however he can assemble and outfit in no time. This may sound weird but to be ready for a bike ride takes a surprising number of components, each leg and arm is applied separately, socks must be the right colour (always high and white!) shorts must be black, even if you are world champion (inside joke obvs) and they wear these funny little hats which are sort of like caps, but not. Do not make fun of the tiny cap, and do not try it on. They are precious. There is fashion in cycling, but it does not resemble anything I have ever seen before. Just let him get on with it. Even if he does decide to get black shoes, which make him look like he’s off to school, or in some cases like Michael Jackson on a bike.

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The sad truth is BBs increased time on a bike usually makes them considerably more attractive than normal boys. They often have those little action man bits that make smart girls do stupid things. They are like mermaids, only not fictional, and not in the sea, and sailors (girls) follow their siren song and then find themselves in a house with one. It’s like a magic trick. To keep yourself sane does take work, but I do suggest trying to get involved. If you watch enough cycling (around four hours per day for three weeks straight) you will probably just about grasp the basics, and it can be quite enjoyable. You will be able to have a favourite (who will probably be the wrong choice!) and see their weird little antics, such as bum touching and head butting, which will make it all worthwhile. Also a lot of the races are in Europe, so if you’re really desperate tell him you want to go see a race, and then just use it as a holiday!

 

Good luck!

 

 

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More Testing

Hello

Trying to teach myself about anchor links. This blog is just my test space at the moment isn’t it! Right. As you were.

xx

Takeaway menu organiser

 

 

TAKEAWAY MENU ORGANISER

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TESTING TESTING

Hello blog lookers.

This is actually just a test blog to see if I can figure out how to use something so please carry on about your way, unless you would like to look at a website with cute gifts on it. It’s up to you, but I promise this is just an experiment. I might do a real blog soon ooooh exciting. Or just some nice pictures. I don’t know which.

www.laneygreen.com

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The Best Fake Songs

Hey everyone!

Been a while since I’ve been on here! Took me ages to even log in but I made it!

This blog is about my favourite fake songs. You know, songs that wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for films. They have to be either about people from the film/show or by a person who is not real (just in case you need the rules and want to join in).

Right, ready… In no particular order….

1. Freelove Freeway

I think this is one of the very best. It is funny. It is catchy and annoying and it makes everyone sing “she’s dead” “she’s NOT dead!”

2. Scotty Doesn’t Know

This pops into my head ALL THE TIME! I know they’re a real band but it totally counts because Matt Damon is not really their singer, and Scotty and Fiona are not real. “DON’T TELL SCOTTY!”

3. The Clap

“Who remembers The Clap?” There’s a bit in this when he does a look. If you like Russell Brand you know exactly the one I mean. Makes me swoon. I think if Infant Sorrow were a real band I probably would have gone to see them in my youth. What is really bad is when you sing it out loud on the bus. Best not do that (again).

4. Fever Dog

Almost Famous is one of my favourite ever films and this I think this is the best Still Water song. Hey did everyone know that’s Earl? You know, from my name is Earl? Good fact. And Russell Hammond is hot, even if he is fictional. “The guitar sound is incendiary.”

5. Garbage Truck

I just think this is cool. I’d go for a ride in a garbage truck. I didn’t really think much of Scott Pilgrim though. Not awful but I think Sex-Bob-Omb were the best part.

Right that’s enough, I want to ease myself back in to blogging but there are loads more I think. They just don’t all come at the same time. Special mention to Crucial Taunt from Wayne’s World. I love Cassandra (If she where a president she’d be Baberaham Lincon) but I think my fave was Ballroom Blitz and I don’t know if that breaks the rules of my made up game that only I am playing… Oh fuck it.

Nighty night xxx

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There are other books!

I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey. I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve downloaded it and I still don’t think i’ll read it.

I’d probably think it was okay, and sure I like rich men as much as the next girl but I really don’t want to read it. Partly because I don’t think I’m into S&M (sorry Rihanna), partly because anything that’s grey is boring to my eyes and party because everyone has read it. Even my mother. And what if she found out I was reading it! Would she want to talk about it? I hope not! But even then she would still know I’d had my brain poisoned and probably never be able to look at me again. So I’ve read a different book…

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‘Super Sad True Love Story’. The title is a bit confusing, it’s not true, it’s true love. And I think it is a much better book. It’s sort of about the future, sort of about love. It made me feel depressed I was reading it on an iPad and because I can’t speak italian. 

“I felt the weakness of these books, their immateriality, how they had failed to change the world, and I didn’t want to sully myself with their weakness anymore.” 
― Gary ShteyngartSuper Sad True Love Story

I’m not saying it’s for everyone but can everyone PLEASE stop going on about whips and old men. There are other books! 

 

 

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The Sleepover Dilemma

Staying out throws up a lot of decisions that you have no real time to prepare for. If it’s a last minute thing you might forget your contact lenses or emergency nighttime medicine (??) I don’t know what it is you need, but there’s always something. To prepare a bag before hand can sometimes be presumptuous. What if you’re not invite to stay? Then you’re just a fool with pyjamas in your handbag.

 

I wanted to put a picture of people in bed here but forgot safe search was off. It was pretty traumatic so instead here's a picture of a killer barbie

Of course, there are times when it’s pretty hard to avoid staying out. If you accidentally find yourself in a relationship one of the conditions tends to be that you will share a bed. My biggest problem with this is not the lovely bed sharers insistence on having the window open or the radio on or wearing a watch that ticks so loudly it makes my brain rattle. It’s that sometimes he wears a t-shirt. Not all of the time, just sometimes. All of the time would be okay. I could get used to it and provide my own sleep time t-shirt. But every now and again it’s there. I don’t know how to deal with it. On days where I am wearing a dress does that mean I should pop it back on so’s not to offend? Is my fluffy jumper welcome in bed? I don’t know! I know it might be cold really; a bit of warning really wouldn’t hurt. Just a little text: ‘Tonight while sleeping I will be wearing a blue t-shirt, please pack accordingly.’

 

The big staying out drama that makes me probably maddest of all is this: Why at 3am does it feel like a good idea to wake up your boyfriend and demand that he lets you in? I can’t pretend I’ve never done this but in my defence it was the same bus route and 15 minutes closer. Definitely and issue of convenience. What I mean is the ‘yeahhhhh I’m going to go to my boyfriends house and like, totally have sex with him now at 3am’. I’m sure there are some people who like this but I don’t. There’s a problem with being drunk that means you tend to think you look amazing when actually you look like shit. You’ve got sauce all down your dress, you spent an hour crying and a lot of time hanging out in toilets. This is never a good look. Go home and have a wash.  Not even the nicest person wants to be woken up in the middle of the night to let in a makeup stained girl who smells like piss.

 

Don't be this girl

Then there is the late night wee drama. What is the right thing to do? If you’re unprepared and pyjamaless which I shall assume you are, as I often am do you get dressed back into your clothes, or do you risk it? A quick dash in your pants and hope for the best? ‘Babe, I’m really sorry but I just flashed your dad’ isn’t something anyone should have to say to their friend or boyfriend. The alternative of squeezing back into skinny jeans and a jumper doesn’t seem much better at 3am though. The dad flashing moments seem unavoidable. I think it’s best we all just stay at home from now on.

 

 

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